Christmas Reflections

Christmas 2007

Forgive me for this post...and don't in any way feel obliged to read it. I just really needed to set a few things down in writing as I remember this past year. In fact, the past few days I've had a lot of trouble thinking about anything except the last year. I know, reflections about the year are supposed to wait until New Year's, but this year when I think of Christmas and the birth of our Savior I can't help but remember a year of loss and enormous change. And as I write this, though the tears are streaming down my face, I have a lot of gratitude in my heart. This is our first Christmas without my dad, my dear, dear friend who I love and I miss. The hole in my heart is huge. But I am grateful for the life he led, his example of faith and determination, his life of hard work and great love. He did everything with great fervor and he taught me to live my life fully. Oh, there are days when I know I don't live up to that, but I have to remember all the times he told me he was proud of me and he loves me and then I can maybe begin to try a little harder. And as I reflect I am so grateful for my Savior, because I have needed to lean on him as I have come to terms with mortality. In my life, it's been one thing to feel like I have a testimony of the plan of Salvation and then, this year, as I've really faced things to put that testimony into action and learn to move forward.

A friend of mine who has seen a terribly difficult year included this quote by Jenkins Lloyd Jones in her Christmas card:

Life is like an old-time rail journey--delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts interspersed only occasionally with beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.

That's what I'm aiming for this year.

Looking back, I also have to admit how grateful I am for the strength of my mom who has in so many ways put aside her grief for a husband of 49 years so she could tend to us, their children, who are devastated by his loss. I think I've probably been a bit selfish in not recognizing her needs enough. We've all probably let her a down a bit in the support category. But I think I'm going to lay the blame fully on her for that because she is too strong! What an amazing woman who had led us all through this with grace and dignity.

Soon it will be Christmas and our home will be filled with the great excitement of my children and the great joy that comes when so many in our family are together. And as we read about our Savior and talk about our Savior, this year in our home we are filled with a greater understanding of His mission and we are grateful for the peace this brings.

May this be a wonderful holiday season. Merry Christmas.

Dave Anderson, a great man. Moab 2008.